I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
