there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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