I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
