I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
