I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So here I am, sexting at work.
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