I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
