Plan B is the new Plan A
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
