nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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