just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
so much tequila, so little girl.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
