mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
