How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
