I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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