i'm lost and i look like a hooker
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
