Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
