If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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