I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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