wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just invented taco cereal.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
