You made me cry and you don't even care
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
