thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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