I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
