He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
