Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
