i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
