Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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