I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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