I accidentally burped into my bong.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
