I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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