fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
