never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Holy sore nipples Batman
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
