Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
