then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
