I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
