I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
