i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
