Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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