dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
