omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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