Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i believe in u and ur pee
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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