i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
