I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
