I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
