The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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