how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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