new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
