I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
