just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
