I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
