hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
