i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
