A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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