those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
